He wants to be a girl

   I have a friend who had a friend who wants to be a she. I really don't like this guy and vowed to always call him a him instead of a she, unlike my friend. I'm good friends with her and she's good friends with he. The problem i have with him isn't he wants to be a she. No, it's that our mutual friend is a very close friend of mine. And he was a total ass-hole to her. He would like to be called Vienna. Now, if you're going to pick a name for your .. future? Lol. I would pick a better one than that. That one is obviously
    But I'm getting ahead of myself. She, damn, he, is the most self-centered person I have ever met. And I told him so. My friend was betrayed doubly. Now, I'm not sure if I should tell you the details, though she did post it on facebook. Well, how boring would this be. Okay, so her boyfriend cheated on her, with two of her best friends. The thing is, he never tried anything with her... Oh, they all were also pretty drunk. Funny thing is, it wasn't two chicks, but another dude. HAHA. So she was essentially betrayed three fold. And the other dude didn't tell her till after her and her b/f mutually broke up. Seriously, she was trying to get a hold of him to break up, couldn't. Then five minutes later he called her, awkward small talk, he wants to break up. She laughs and says awesome, me too!
    So anyway, she's a big mess, texts her 'sister' (cuz they're that close.) that she is going to get fucked up cuz she's so damn upset, stoned and hopefully really drunk and have sex. That she'll talk to her tomorrow. 'She' replies with scolding her. "You know how I feel about drugs and alcohol, don't even talk to me till Monday" so upset blah blah. Doesn't even ask why she's so upset or nothing. Later on talks to her, still doesn't even ask about why she is so upset.  I get on the cell to text, bitch her out. Still does (dammit, he!) give a shit. Told her I considered this a fourth betrayal, because now all she has is us two. Still, nope.
    I've heard enough in the four years we've been close, to know that all he talks about is himself and how hard it is to be in a hick town wanting to be a chick. The things is, he's not even gay. That part I don't get. He wants to be a chick and bone chicks. AND on his fb profile pic (no i'm not friends with him) he has a nasty teen stash. You'd think he would not want facial hair, nor to show it off like that, even if he's in a hick town.
 A) Teen stashes are not cool and especially not manly if you're wanting to fit in.
B) Chicks don't dig them
 C) Chicks wanting a chick especially

All he talks about, for the past 4 years I've known about him, (btw he lives a province away) is himself. He only manages to bring her down, even when wanting to hear about her life (oh, you had a good day? *sigh* that must have been nice.........). Oh, you like a guy, that must be nice *SIGH* i wish i had a girl to like. Or wait, didn't he say once it would be nice to have a guy to like? Now I'm confused. Actually, I didn't get the whole, I want to look like a girl but bang girls i hate my body. I think that the guy just really fucking hates himself. Maybe that's just because I really don't like him and he's the only tranny (sorry if that offends, i don't mean it as an insult, that's just what he is) i know. I've known gay guys, but they were okay (as far as i knew) with their body. The one actually seemed to like his hair and dressing up. Like a dude.

 Sincerely, after four years, my good friend is getting tired of the same conversation over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and again. ECT. Which makes her feel like a bad 'sister' when all she can think is, i know i know, i don't care right now. Because really she's a big softie. So not only does she make her depressed, she makes her feel bad for feeling good, and bad for being sick of this all.

   And really, Vienna? That is not a good name (LOL Sorry Viennas!!) To me though, that sounds like a dude picked the name (did your dad name you :P). And he picked it when he was 10 and it was the 70's, and he wanted a classic name. hahah.
    I do not like this penis wielding man-child. Because he is a self-centered ass-hole (he would like to bang?).

...

Saturday night

    Yesterday was a good day. I was tired all day at work though. I hung out with an old friend Alex(andra). We showed up at my 'best friend' Lou's house. We decided to go to Ruckers, an arcade. We had a good time. I got a plastic dinosaur, an eraser that looks like a blue crayon, a bouncy ball, train whistle and some tiny candies with my tickets. Lou and Alex got fuzzy dice and some other things i forget.

    We came back here because my mom was supposed to have been at my grandmas. They let her out because... Well, they really should not have at all, because they still don't know where she is bleeding internally (i mean, where else is this blood going to) But they had a fight and my grandma said something really mean to my mom ("you're just as bad as your father.") just because she was being miserable and sorry for herself. So my mom was home and stoned. yup. She does it occasionally. So she gave us money for food and stayed in her room after talking to me about what had happened. I invited Paul my boyfriend over. We ordered a large cheese pizza and played some Katamari Damacy and then just chilled out talking and joking around.
    It was a good time :) After Alex and Lou went home and everyone but me had a nickname, Beast Master for Alex (she's weird and funny), Kitten Master for Paul (Alex came up with everyone's names) for no real reason, and Lou stayed with Captain Majestic, which is also her roller derby name (junior, so no contact, yet). Mine was something about making sandwiches, but i don't like to make them and refused to be everyone's bitch.

    By this time, once I laid down i was just tired. Me and Paul snuggled and talked a little for a long time. It was really nice. He stayed late even though he had to work the next morning.

Grandmother and Wasting time

    Sometimes I feel like I'm always throwing it all away. I get overwhelmed sometimes, by choices, responsibilities, expectations, stupid stuff. and my way with dealing with these feelings is to hole up and do nothing. really. like just now, i saw a video and suddenly felt how little i've been using my own nikon camera. how i don't get out there enough, okay, let's be honest, at all. at first it was because the weather has been awful and the kind that i certainly do not like. grey, cold, windy, no sunshine. but now it's been getting nicer out and i still haven't moved. i'll spend an entire day and get absolutely nothing done. i'm talking no video game or reading progress. little to no housework. i look back and am unsure myself what the fuck it is i've been doing all day. basically, any feeling i don't know how to handle, i hole up.

my grandma and nephew (there weeks old)

  Speaking of happy feelings, we're going to have to start talking about my grandma. she is not in good health, but me and my mum don't want to put her in my home. here's a bit of my family dynamic. me and my mother are the closest on my mother's side. she is one 9 children my gma had. only 2 are around the province. other are dead or living in british columbia or elsewhere. not a tight knit side. my mom is the good daughter, she goes above, beyond, and then another k(ilometer). she will spend the night, she goes to ever doctors appointment with her, will pick up her stuff, vacuum her apartment, ect. my aunt is kind of rich. she works at the bank and lives at a lake outside of the city. she has lots of nice things, gives her kids nice things, goes to nice restaurant and always tires to look her best. she wouldn't pay for my gma's hearing aid, instead telling her she could pay her back the rest later. she wants to put my gma in a home. my gma loves her apartment and has always been fond of saying the only way she would be leaving it is feet first. as in dead. i also have an older sister, who now has a child. more on her later. gma is in the hospital, and they may not let her back out  unless she has somewhere to go, where someone will be. she lives alone. so mom was saying we may have to take turns living there. basically. Her couch sucks. I think I could get used to it though, i can get used to, nad have, lots of things. anyway, so tomorrow we'll have to talk options. there's just no room for her here.

  Anyway, more later. thanks for reading, if anyone has. :)

An Introduction

  Well, I am now officially yet another blogger among thousands. I'm very young, so I suppose you assume I have nothing interesting to say. Maybe you're right. I've heard I'm a talented writer. But I've come to a point where I hardly do at all. Like, ever. So maybe this will help my poetry. I mainly do that, but my best stuff comes from when I stray from that, to short stories. Anywho.
 
    So I took a year between high school and college, hoping to, I don't know, stumble upon a passion. i wanted to find my passion before going to pursue a degree and some kind of career. How I see it, that would work better, right? But, everyone is expecting me to do really great and get awesome grades. Which I haven't, because I don't apply. Seriously though, i have had some really awful teachers where I learn absolutely NOTHING. So why would I spend time doing work that proves nothing, i learn nothing, why do it? Suppose I;ll have to jump in. I'm just afraid I'm only going to end up spending a whole lot of money that I don't have.

   Right, a little off track and longer than I wanted my first post to be, don't want to bore people away on my first post eh heh  ^^'. I'm just another 18 year old basically, only less annoying, haha! I have a job at an awesome toy store once a week only, which sucks. I like the owners, I like the customers and making birthday goodie bags. I was supposed to be `helping`my mom`s friend out. It`s been a lot longer than I thought. Four measly bucks an hour for 2 kids. It sucks. I like to be able to give kids back when I`m done with them. Tin is 9, a boy, and Myr is a girl, 3, very close to 4. She`s still in pull-ups. Woo. They both talk all the time haha. They used to be quiet, but now they`re comfortable. But I`ll talk more about them later, if you`re still around. Right now they`re bored and want to go outside.

    I have to earn my twenty dollars! Nice to meet you :) hah